Monday, July 16, 2007

there are a lot of times in ur life that u are struck with realizations. it can be the realizations of happiness. of truth. of lies. of faith. it can also be the realization of the bleakness and darkness of human nature. sometimes u just find that as hard as u try to believe, to keep the faith, u really cannot. because people and things failed u. repeatedly. but what remains as true as that will be the fact that we never stop hoping, we never stop believing, even if we thought we have. but somehow u just wonder about love. if we claim to love each other so much at one point in time, what has caused that love to fade? what has caused that love to become just another passing phase in our lives? how can we bring ourselves to hurt the very person that we used to love with all our hearts and who meant everything to us? the answer may be a simple one, that we never really loved him/her with all our hearts and he/she never meant the world to us. but the answer may also be a complicated one. sheesh..i'm being melancholic and all all over again huh. it's just some thought i have because of what i witnessed happening to the people around me. i guess we are all essentially selfish afterall.

well..now about my life. haha..been quite tired recently..still not able to sleep properly sometimes..think i really need to adjust my body clock back to 'normal' and not nocturnal. oh well. guess i'll see about my contract timings and all when i get my timetable..but..i gotta get past the problem of module bidding first. *sigH* *big sigH* anyways mein was telling me she was contemplating reapply the following year cos she feels really uncomfortable about the prospect of going into the course this year and all alone and so on. well..i really think she shouldn't do it. and i guess by now she should've made up her mind..will ask her about it later. i hope she decides to go ahead with entering uni this year. haven't been meeting celeste and joyce for a looooong looooong time. both of them are like soooooo busy. oh wells. not like i'm that free too. but sometimes i just feel so tired that i need some time by myself just doing nothing but slack..eat..watch tv..sleep..and yeah u get the picture.
kok peng didn't come to work yesterday..ah min and jieying were on standby. so technically i was left all alone at work..well at least iqbal sat beside me and i kept disturbing and then siti came to work and then it was quite fun. haha..somehow..i've found some great fun being with siti..she's just so..i don't know what u call it. kinda quarrelled with my sis yesterday..guess she has a lot of things on her mind..with her father-in-law and everything..and i wasn't exactly in a very stable mood either. but i guess what i can say now is that everything in my mind is sorta sorted out already. i kinda regretted what i did cos it's really darn stupid..but at the very least i realize that it's stupid and i finally know for myself what is it really all about. sorry to kok peng about all the times i bugged him till like 4 5am when he gotta wake up at 5.45am in the morning. yes i am such an evil person.
actually..kok peng and i are 2 very very different people. different background..different groups of friends..different thinking..different in every aspect possible. it's as if we are opposites. if not for the fact that we work in the same company, i guess i would never have met someone like him at this point in my life. well, the same goes for a lot of people in the company. but i guess somehow i'm the closest to him out of all those very very different people. ah min, jieying, siti and all are like similar to me at least..but not kok peng. and ever since the first few times i've spoken to him, i have a strong feeling that i want him to be happy. like..i don't know. he always gives me the kinda feeling that he is not very happy at this point in time. and i really just want him to be happy.
anyways..whee!!! gonna go shopping with jieying on wed..and then go IKEA with siti next tues!! =)

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ostensibly ephemerally tainted.
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