Monday, December 19, 2005

words cannot describe how i felt for the trip and everything. words cannot describe nor do justice to the whole experience in ban nam ree pattana school. the kids made mi realize a lot of things and let mi see wat i cannot in singapore and wat i noe i can never have. it's not only the kids there but the people there. how much they welcomed us like VIPs and tried to do so many things for us and really appreciated us. i guess it is inevitable that eevn though we did not embark on this expedition with the intention of changing their lives or impact the children and the people significantly, deep inside us everyone wishes to be able to accomplish and achieve something noble and remarkable. somehow i feel that our impact will only be temporary and minial, we are just people who went there with hopes of changing lives and building a better place but leave knowing they made more impact in our lives. life goes on without us. what we taught them and brought into their lives are no necessities in their simple and contained life. they dun need to noe english to survive and carry on their lives. we think we are trying to improve their lives but are we really and can we really? and as much as we marvel and praise their innocence, genuinity and 'envy' their simple but contented life, we still choose the innoncence lost, complicated and discontented life we lead.
when i went there, i was uncertain of how life will be. turned out the food was great. the people are great. the kids are so innocent..genuine..lovely..lovable and playful..enthusiastic..and cute. with all the games and songs we introduced..they participate with great enthusiasm and vigour that surprised and shocked us. they plucked tonnes of roses and flowers for us. they became so much a part of my life. the scenery. the school. the people. the cold. the music. i've grown so used to the breathtaking scenery..the teachers..the cold..the worry about the water heater..the laundry we had to do regularly..the cold shivers in the morning..the radio blasting thai songs at 6+am..the rooster..the stray dogs that run away when humans go near..the washing of dishes beside pails..hanging of clothes on ruffia strings..disgustingly dirty socks..removing footwear..screams and shouts in thai..children playing sepak takraw alongside those playing soccer..the metal netted soccer net..queuing for food..rice for every meal..the laughter..the lack of connection to 'civilisation'..the bugs and insects..and so on.
as i stared at the kids during the last few days..i teared. i cant see them again..after i leave. they taught mi so much and made mi realize so much. they are everything i am not and i am everything they are not. they made flower rings..and their voices singing chang chang chang..mon son pa..kayak..and other songs kept ringing thru my head..their smiles kept flashing in my mind..it seems as though they are the teachers and they are teaching mi stuff i never knew. on the pickup to nan airport..as we drove off..as we cheered the nam ree cheer at ban nam ree pattana school for the last time ever..i cried. i cried and cried and cried. as i hear 'i'm on the top of the world looking down on creation and the only explanation i can find. it's the love that i found ever since you've been around. your love puts me at the top of the world' running thru my head..what i feel is indescribable. leaving knowing you'll never go back because you can't is hard. i love them. the people. the place. everything.

Top Of The World
Such a feeling's coming over me
There is wonder in most everything I see
Not a cloud in the sky
Got the sun in my eyes
And I won't be surprised if it's a dream
Everything I want the world to be
Is now coming true especially for me
And the reason is clear
It's because you are here
You're the nearest thing to heaven that I've seen

I'm on the top of the world looking
down on creation and the only explanation I can find
It's the love that I found ever since you've been around
Your love puts me at the top of the world

Something in the wind has learnt my name
And it's telling me that things are not the same
In the leaves of the trees
And the touch of the breeze
There's a pleasing sense of happiness for me
There is only one thing on my mind
When this day is through I hope that I will find
That tomorrow will be
Just the same for you and me
All I need will be mine if you are here

I'm on the top of the world looking
down on creation and the only explanation I can find
It's the love that I found ever since you've been around
Your love puts me at the top of the world

I'm on the top of the world looking
down on creation and the only explanation I can find
It's the love that I found ever since you've been around
Your love puts me at the top of the world

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ostensibly ephemerally tainted.
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