[Friday, January 10, 2025]
[2:14:12 PM
]
.opalescent.
my life.
my world. my thoughts.
my wishes. my hopes. my dreams.
my love.
me.myself.me
ser xing.
13/8/1988<.br>
ajc.
_tumbling into her thoughts.
drowning her tears in a bottomless cup of coffee.
memories are all tied in knots.
who is going to save her._
love
maple leaves.
boxes.
pigs.
link.linkie.link
[x]weini.
[x]qinghao.
[x]alison.
[x]edwin.
[x]sandy.
[x]yee shian.
[x]kang wei.
[x]yee wen.
[x]pei jun.
[x]celeste.
[x]khee onn.
[x]mei yi.
[x]evon.
[x]xue ting.
[x]asmond.
[x]kok wei.
[x]daniel.
[x]ser chuan.
[x]jason.
[x]joyce.
[x]yi wen.
[x]yong chuen.
[x]jenna.
[x]lucia.
[x]oli.
[x]sarah.
[x]yao hui.
[x]jie sin.
[x]kang li.
[x]pei qi.
[x]wei fang.
.past.
x[September 2004]x
x[October 2004]x
x[November 2004]x
x[December 2004]x
x[January 2005]x
x[February 2005]x
x[March 2005]x
x[April 2005]x
x[May 2005]x
x[June 2005]x
x[July 2005]x
x[August 2005]x
x[September 2005]x
x[October 2005]x
x[November 2005]x
x[December 2005]x
x[January 2006]x
x[February 2006]x
x[March 2006]x
x[April 2006]x
x[May 2006]x
x[June 2006]x
x[July 2006]x
x[August 2006]x
x[September 2006]x
x[October 2006]x
x[December 2006]x
x[February 2007]x
x[April 2007]x
x[July 2007]x
x[August 2007]x
x[September 2007]x
tag.tag.taggie.
.life.story.
sometimes people think too much. worry too much. plan too much. try to control too much. but we realize at the end of the day that really whatever happens..there's no pre-emptive measures we can do. all we can do is take things as they come and see what we can do about it. there is no fool-proof plan. guess there are things we know but yet cannot make ourselves do.
u tinted my life with colours of the rainbow.
argh. like wth. i finally have a day off..no st john no nothing and i get so giddy i think im gonna die. went to see the doc. said something about the balancing thing in the brain. so gave mi medicine and went home. sighs. sch reopening soon..i haven't touch my hw..gotta start later..bio and chem..chiong!!!
why can't u get it? why, after so many years, u still don't get it? when will u start thinking from my point of view? when will u start to think that my ideals, my values, my principles and my thinking matters too..that they are not wrong..that they are no less inferior to yours just because i'm much younger..my feelings and my views are not wrong just because they are different from yours and that you're much older. the fact that you've been through many things doesn't make the things i've been through void and less significant. you have your life and i have mine. stop trying to impose your ideals and your principles into mine. if you haven't realized, i've grown up without you. just because you have your temper and your principles doesn't mean you can just shout at me and dig out all the past histories to justify yourself. because these do not justify yourself. i am no longer the small kid who had to do whatever you please because of your tantrums, your temper and your endless ranting about your logics your rights your experience your everything. you only come to me when he's not there. and you bite around like a mad dog when he's not there. i'm your sis. i'm not the toy you can bite and throw and do whatever shit you want with just because your mood is lousy or you are getting pms. you throw tantrums and your temper like drinking water. and everyone is supposed to do what you want? before you start criticising about how i do not contribute to this family, about how i do not do my chores, about how i am lazy and leave my things around and so on, reflect on yourself. have you ever washed your own clothes? who is the one shouting and throwing her weight around just because things don't go her way? who is the one who woke the entire house up and threw her temper just because of a cockroach and started screaming when father did not try hard to catch it? who is the one who expects the family to be at her beck and call? i'm sick and tired of your shit. you can do whatever you want with your boyfriend. you can neglect everybody else in the entire world except your boyfriend. i don't give a damn. but please do not come back and expect me to be there for you to want to be with you when he is not there. i have my own life. i am not gonna give in to what you want just because you are my sister. i'm sick and tired of how u launch into your lecture about how little i contribute, how irresponsible i am, and your logics and justifications about every shit you throw me. i'm sorry but shouting at me and throwing my things and threatening me and launching into your lectures ain't gonna work. not anymore. i am not gonna give in just because of your rantings and your threats. not anymore. just go away. leave me alone. i know that you are not me. i know that you want the best for me. but when are you gonna realize that what you think is the best and what you think is right may not be the best and may not be right? when are you gonna realize that you do not understand me? that you do not know me? that you never did? and the naked truth is that you never even tried to. you just assumed. you assumed you know me. you assumed that you understand everything i feel. you assumed that what you think is right is right just because you are 9 years older. you don't know me. you never knew me. and it seems like you never will. the point is if you don't even try to understand me, don't even try to impose your principles and all that shit on me. because all it shows is you do not respect me. you do not respect how i feel. you do not respect my views. i've lost count of the number of times you treated my thoughts and feelings with mockery and contempt. i don't need that from my sister. you expect me to respect you when you don't even treat my friends with basic courtesy and mock them just because they do 'stupid stuff' like i do. respect cannot be demanded. it has to be earned. this is something you told me. then practise what you preach. walk your talk. i am not a replacement for your voidness when your boyfriend is not around. it is plain that i only seem to be visible when he is not around. other than that you either continue to throw trantrums at me or simply do not bother. whatever your intentions are behind what you do, it is not gonna make me tolerate all the shit you give me. what comes out the wrong way comes out the wrong way. the intentions do not justify them.
words cannot describe how i felt for the trip and everything. words cannot describe nor do justice to the whole experience in ban nam ree pattana school. the kids made mi realize a lot of things and let mi see wat i cannot in singapore and wat i noe i can never have. it's not only the kids there but the people there. how much they welcomed us like VIPs and tried to do so many things for us and really appreciated us. i guess it is inevitable that eevn though we did not embark on this expedition with the intention of changing their lives or impact the children and the people significantly, deep inside us everyone wishes to be able to accomplish and achieve something noble and remarkable. somehow i feel that our impact will only be temporary and minial, we are just people who went there with hopes of changing lives and building a better place but leave knowing they made more impact in our lives. life goes on without us. what we taught them and brought into their lives are no necessities in their simple and contained life. they dun need to noe english to survive and carry on their lives. we think we are trying to improve their lives but are we really and can we really? and as much as we marvel and praise their innocence, genuinity and 'envy' their simple but contented life, we still choose the innoncence lost, complicated and discontented life we lead.