Tuesday, May 31, 2005
i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care.
i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care.
i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care.
i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care.
i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care.
i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care.
tell me i don't care.
tell me it doesn't matter.
tell me i don't care.
it all went very well last friday.
whatever happened now.
whatever happened after sunday.
bah.
i don't care.
i don't.
but i just can't stop thinking about it now.
damn it.
just saw the sms from xu da. 'i'm xu da. sorry for not saying goodbye. i really have had a very good time in class 17. thank all of you, and goodbye! :)' i feel so damn bad. we knew he was living. nobody cared. nobody bothered to send him off. nobody bothered to prepare a farewell gift for him. he never did talk to us much. he never did interact with us much. but he's a nice guy. i've talked to him a couple of times before. asked him about his family, china, and his plans for the future. maybe because his english isn't fluent, u can't really make out what he's saying sometimes and the fact that he's so quiet, he's so contented with the way the class is treating him. maybe. maybe not. even if he showed it the class would probably be oblivious to it. i'ts no use crying over split milk. but why. why do we treat him like this? because he does not fit in? i don't know. makes me wonder. at the end of my 2 years in anderson junior college. will it be like this? maybe. maybe not. it's the same thing with ms sim. we dread her lessons everyday. and suddenly she just comes and tells us she's resigning. i felt so lost suddenly. even at her very last lesson, maybe she's the only one who really feels sad. apparently, no one in my class really cared much.
reason: we were too preoccupied with spa.
-----------------------------------------------------------
ostensibly ephemerally tainted.
@ |6:52 pm|
Monday, May 30, 2005
ok..so went to east coast yesterday for the class bbq thing. was raining cats and dogs before and when i had to leave house. met joanna, hann, shiwei and cali first before going. kinda got a shock when i went there cos like class 10, 20, 14 were there? it was then that we decided not to stay at all. hahaz..so like..starting it was super boring. me, hann, shiwei, cali and hui qian stayed up in the room and talked cock and lamed around. took a lot of photos and all. hahaz..it was damn lame and funny larz. then later we went down to help with bbq..didn't really help much or eat much. yup. then went for a walk with weilin, then joanna. i also don't really know what to say. then later many people were up in the room..khairul hongyi joel jasmine weilin alison joanna. so i went up also. then started playing blackjack with them and all. hann and shiwei and cali came up..then started playing truth or dare. was kinda awkward at 2 points in time. but well..forget it. then started talking abt love lives and all. till it was 10+ and we had to leave. hahaz..then hann, shiwei, joanna and cali came my house..we took a cab..had to beg the taxi drvier to take us 5 in..then it was damn fast..cost me $12.80. but well my father's paying anyway. went to 7-11 to buy some food first. then came my house and we bathed and all. started talking and laughing a lot..as usual. hahahz..then joanna, hann and shiwei kept falling asleep. cali also. all except me. -_-" so like we slept at 3+ 4+ this morning woke up at 8+ 9+. wah seh i'm like soooooooo tired. but they are not. -_-" then went to bpp to eat mac with them..walk walk..they bought accessories..i didn't. hahaz..then took lrt with them to cck..i went to lot 1..borrowed books and all. couldn't find the pencil i wanted.
sighs. going to the bbq isn't good. for the past few days it has been nice cos i can put everything behind..away. even on the last day of school. but yesterday..no..i can't. cos it's just all happening in front of me..so obvious to see. i don't wanna go back to school.
-----------------------------------------------------------
ostensibly ephemerally tainted.
@ |6:34 pm|
Saturday, May 28, 2005
it's holidays! hahaz..but i don't feel excited at all. except for the fact that i don't need to wake up sooooooo early anymore to go school and look at what i don't wanna look at. yesterday was ok. kinda tired. just that i was extremely dumb. ran to the bus stop for fear of missing the bus. then 190 came. so i started replying jason's sms. the next moment i looked up, i realized that everyone who boards 187 are gone and i watched as the 187 zoomed past me just like that. i was totally *stunneD* and just stared. then it occurred to me. IT'S THE LAST BUS. i was like shit. how how how. then i realized the only way out is to hail a cab. so i went to hail a cab. the first cab..HIRED. the second cab had no passengers in it but it totally IGNORED ME. shit the cab driver. i was gonna call a cab when a third cab came and to my relief, stopped for me. so went to school..went junction 8 to eat with hann, calista, joanna and shi wei. den went town to meet alison (sa) and natt..hahaz..i miss them!!! then went jurong to meet sandy..den went lot 1 to find celeste..hahaz..i felt ostracised. anyway..finally got to talk to ed yesterday..hahaz..he's going NS soon..how time flies~
-----------------------------------------------------------
ostensibly ephemerally tainted.
@ |8:43 pm|
Friday, May 20, 2005
woohoo! no more tests!! at least till the holidays end. hahaz..and there's long weekend!! ahaha. gonna sleep my day away tomorrow. i don't care if it's not constructive, not productive or whatever crap. i'm so tired. alighted from 187 so sleepily. then walked to 7-11 to buy chocs..hahaz..was about to open the door den sensed people behind me. turned and saw john and joseph. then they laughed at me. hahaz..yeah then went to mrt..den on the escalator john asked if i just woke up. hahaz..den laugh at me again. celeste told me joseph went and tell her about it, say i very funny, and even demonstrated to her. -_-"anyway went to watch the badminton match. omg. the spirit of anderson junior college is SO STRONG. *pukE* disgusting. then i found myself support acjc. and i saw 2 cute guys!! ahaha..no i mean 3. hahaha.
think sunday gonna go mug with celeste..tomorrow slack..monday do gp and then maybe go out gai gai. i need some life. actually..thinking about everything now, i feel so fortunate. yup.
-----------------------------------------------------------
ostensibly ephemerally tainted.
@ |10:53 pm|
Sunday, May 15, 2005
just wanna say: i love all of u. hahaz..everyone who listened to me go on and on and stuff that doesn't even concern them. yup. it's biology test tomorrow. i'm so sick of looking at my bio notes. anyway i've grown numb to seeing them. it doesn't feel so bad anymore. after monday..i can regain my freedom. hahaha..but i know tomorrow i got to go home and finish my bio essay..and finish my maths tutorials. well..at least i've finished my econs drq and chemistry tutorial. i don't exactly have that much to do. i finally realized why is it that i dislike aj so much. that i wished i never went there. but i must still believe that everything happens for a reason. and actually..frederick can be very nice. hahaz..yeah if he reads this he's gonna tell me to stop it. tomorrow is another day of school, another start of a week, and maybe another start of my mood swings. guess tomorrow i'll have test till like 6+pm..reach home at 7+..start doing my work and forget about watching the 7.30pm show and 9pm show. NO. i must remember. it's sheldon's birthday tomorrow. guess i won't get to meet him but maybe i should go get something for him and give him when i meet in during the holidays? hahaz..i'll see how. and it's edwin's birthday on tues! argh..i MUST get something for him. but i'm so busy..and i'm kinda broke. *wondering if i should do it..*
-----------------------------------------------------------
ostensibly ephemerally tainted.
@ |9:08 pm|
Saturday, May 14, 2005
alright. here i am studying bio. getting sick of it. woke up early today..forced myself to get back to sleep..woke up at 10am. bah. whatever. can't get to sleep. then just after i finished my prawn mee..got sleepy and i just plopped on the sofa and fell asleep. couldn't bring myself to get up till like after 2 hours. hahaz..so much for waking up early huh. took my bio notes. and guess what. i realized ajc's cell structure INCLUDES microscopy. damn. i hate hate hate hate hate hate that. with the stupid resolution and micrometre millimetre nanometre and all that crap. thought i got rid of it after the test in sa. plasmodesmata. yeah and i got to link it to why mammals need a coordinated nerve system and all that..simply because animal cells do not have plasmodesmata. why is it that plant cells are so independent and animal cells are like..without this without that. therefore we need homeostasis..nervous system..and so on..? bah. crapping again. that's so not gonna make me enjoy learning about plants more.
got to finish up my gpp and econs drq and bio ESSAYS later on. guess i really got to wake up early tomorrow to pia bio..i'm so damn scared of the essay question larz. well..*prays harD*
-----------------------------------------------------------
ostensibly ephemerally tainted.
@ |6:00 pm|
i couldn't tell you why she felt that way..she felt it everyday..i couldn't help her..i just watched her make the same mistakes again..what's wrong what's wrong now..too many too many problems..don't know where she belongs..where she belongs..she wants to go home..but nobody's home..that's where she lies broken inside..with no place to go..no place to go to dry her eyes broken inside..open your eyes and look outside find the reason why..you've been rejected..and now you can't find what you've left behind..be strong be strong now..too many too many problems..don't know where she belongs..where she belongs..she wants to go home..but nobody's home..that's where she lies broken inside..with no place to go..no place to go to dry her eyes broken inside..her feeling she hides..her dreams she can't find..she's losing her mind..she's fallen behind..she can't find her place..she's losing her faith..she's fallen from grace..she's all over the place..she wants to go home but nobody's home..that's where she lies broken inside..with no place to go..no place to go to dry her eyes broken inside..she's lost inside..lost inside..she's lost inside..lost inside..
-----------------------------------------------------------
ostensibly ephemerally tainted.
@ |12:23 am|
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
yeah. so my tests were screwed. went back sa today. it felt so good being back where i used to be. yeah but i had to look so out of place with my grey and blue uniform while the entire sch's wearing white and blue. it feels so sad seeing all my frens..in sa uniform and so on. this is where i am supposed to be. wat the hell am i doing in ajc. oh well. i even miss the way manas calls my name..with tt kinda pitch and dragging it. hai~
thurs got bio spa. think im gonna screw tt up also. finally crapped out my PI. gonna hand it in tml and see how. bah. pw sucks. big time. and chinese compo sucks too. well actually come to think of it. wat doesnt?
if only wishes could be dreams and all my dreams could come true. if only. bah. gonna go back to doing my chinese compo now.
-----------------------------------------------------------
ostensibly ephemerally tainted.
@ |10:17 pm|
Saturday, May 07, 2005
*speechlesS*i. really. am. speechless. i tried what i could. but there's no answer. no solution. i still don't know
what. the. hell. happened.haiz. i need to know. i want to know. what. is. wrong. denying isn't gonna work when it's obvious that it's just plain denial. it's a total change. it is definitely not a matter of just-don't-feel-like-talking. it's avoidance. and this sucks. a. lot. i hate this.
tell. me. why.*blanK* *speechlesS*
-----------------------------------------------------------
ostensibly ephemerally tainted.
@ |5:43 pm|
Thursday, May 05, 2005
yes. today was my napfa. and this is the worst napfa i ever had. oh man..for the first time in my life i didn't get an A for sit and reach..and all the rest were like C and D. *fainT*. and i realized my 2.4 missed B by 3secs. haha..well..doesn't matter. and the more i think abt the maths and econs test on monday i damn scared. and den i juz realized that SPA is next week. and argh..i forgot almost everything about all the stupid bio experiments. argh. been too absorbed in other stuff lately. it's time i orientate back to my studies. i've also been feeding mosquitoes in my room lately. in the middle of the night i always get bitten and wake up scratching away. argh. my number 1 enemy in my entire life is mosquitoes. and well..aj vball lost..when ser kun sms-ed me and told me..for some reason i really very sad. haiz. and ser chuan didn't get to play at all. what am i supposed to say. haiz. i finally met selina at the mrt station this morning..and i finally met celeste today. hahaz..i missed her so much. told her about everything that's happened that i did not tell her. sort of feels better. unknowingly..we have become such close friends. i love celeste. hahaz..and joanna sms-ed me..so sweet of her. hahaz..yup i'll always remember that. and today's maths tutorial just sent me a message loud and clear. i do not understand nor know how to do trigonometry. which is like such a long and big chapter. basically it only means 1 thing. i'm so so so dead. yeah gotta go bathe and start mugging soon..finish up all my tutorials and then..guess what? start on my revisioN!! hahaz..i don't intend to slack my J1 life away. and anyway..i realized i really like ms chua a lot. hahaz..she's so nice and so cute..somehow she's just like another mdm eu..well at least she's the closest to it that i have ever been able to find. i like her. and mr yong is like mr meah. *dotX* it's not a good thing. sherilyn tan is unlike any bio teacher i've seen..well considering my entire 4 years of sec sch life i've been facing angeline wong as my science (in lower sec) and bio teacher. leaving sa has made me found a bunch of good friends and somewhere i do not worry about fitting in. well..everything happens for a reason. i believe in that.
-----------------------------------------------------------
ostensibly ephemerally tainted.
@ |7:22 pm|
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
and so it was another day of school. another day of lectures and tutorials. oh well..i like lectures more than tutorial. u just got to sit there and listen and copy notes. full stop. hahaz..yeah i'm lazy. guess i haven't been looking too happy nowadays..well at least i look happier today yeah..that's a good sign. ha..again..saw things i don't wanna see. but..oh well. u can't get what u want all the time yeah. went for interact..for the first time. it was boring..and sort of disorganized. hahaz..well anyway i probably won't be going for it anymore till st john has another break yeah. there's the volleyball match between aj and hc tomorrow. haiz..i wanna go watch. i really want to..even though alison and ser chuan is in hc and i really want aj to win. it will be a nice match i guess. but i can't go..since my lessons end at 4.15pm. *sigH* and there's napfa tomorrow. 5 items. oh well..i don't know why i just can't do sit ups when EVERYONE gets an A for sit ups without sweat. and i can't do inclined pull up. and standing broad jump. well basically i can't really do anything except sit-and-reach. hahaz..guess i'm just not a sports person yeah.
hmm..i really wish what calista said is true..yes because i don't like to hear negative things..well who does anyway. haven't been meeting selina at the mrt station..she's always late. hahaz..well i hope she's on time tomorrow..i don't like going to school alone..makes me feel so alone..and i like talking to her. hahaz..i sort of got used to her being around. for some reason..i'm kinda tired today..better sleep earlier later..and i must go and do my PI this weekend. argh. my idea rejected. and i never really found the energy to go start on my new PI. argh..i miss celeste. somehow she has become so much a part of my life..hahaz. oh well..i must be even happier tomorrow!
-----------------------------------------------------------
ostensibly ephemerally tainted.
@ |7:28 pm|
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
haiz..thinking of the 2 tests on monday makes me feel like dying..econs and maths..how dead can i be. anyway..decided i'll just let it go and see what happens. it's not within my control. even though i don't know what happened..what did i do. i wanna know why. but i know i will never find out. after the gathering on sunday..i really feel that s51 rocks. hahaz..so many people turned up. and even though we didn't exactly do anything constructive..it still feels so nice. i hope we have one more gathering soon..when we are not so busy. yesterday jieying came to ask me..to consider organizing an outing during the june hols. oh well..it's not that i don't wanna organize. it's just so difficult. i don't know where to go what to do and so on. and then end up they complain it's so boring. -_-" well..see how things go. joo yeow's meeting valmond on friday..oh well i won't be meeting them cos..they gonna go play pool. and i don't like to. hahaz. well..gotta go sleep soon..there's school tomorrow. gotta face what i gotta face.
-----------------------------------------------------------
ostensibly ephemerally tainted.
@ |2:22 pm|
Monday, May 02, 2005
hahaz..today got s51 class gathering!! hahaz..went to ian's house. so happy!! saw all of them again..and so many ppl went..really very happy..went home very happy..took photos and all. hehez..but den again..i'm still troubled..and things aren't looking good. *sigH* so many things to say. and whatever i'm hearing and seeing just tells me things are not good. oh well..it always turns out like that. i'm not surprised if it happens again this time. i wanna know the truth yet i just wanna hear positive stuff. and what i'm hearing isn't positive. baH. whatever.
-----------------------------------------------------------
ostensibly ephemerally tainted.
@ |12:21 am|
