Saturday, January 29, 2005

ok. as u can see, i haven been updating. reason being i juz dun feel like it. i dunno. sometime i love sa. sometimes i juz dread going to sch. maybe it's cos of the distance, maybe it's cos i feel like i dun belong there, maybe it's cos of the fact tt there isnt really anyone im particularly shou with. yeah. watever. i pon sch today. it's a good decision. i slept till 1+ and han yee told mi today civics lasted for only 15mins cos of a super long assembly about animal abuse and chinese lesson was cancelled and physics lecture was total crap. today i sat down and thought abt the sch. thought abt if ever im gonna return after getting my results. sad to say, i realize tt i really wanna get my results soon and get out. i cant stand it anymore. the long travelling journey. the classmates tt are majority scholars and studious ppl who turns up 5-10mins early for lectures. the sucky timetable of 4.45 4.15 2.15 5.15 2.15. and ppl wonder y i dun wanna join a cca. cos i freaking wanna go home. everytime i wake up, walk to the bus stop, wait for the bus, board the bus, step into sch, go into lecture, go into tutorial, during breaks, during pe, i juz keep thinking abt going back home.

to tell the truth i freaking miss bp. i freaking miss all the ppl. i freaking hate travelling so far every single day. i even miss lot 1. i miss the familiar sight of white blouses and maroon skirts and white stripes at the pocket of shirts and blouses. i miss taking 300 to sch every morning. i miss seeing ppl i noe at cck interchange every morning. i miss the stink of the 402 cabin classroom. yes sa is nice. sa is fun. sa is enthu. but sa is not bp. even though the ppl are more enthu and watever than in bp, i love bp. and i realize now tt maybe..i wanna get into a sch with a lot of bpians. cos only then do i feel tt i belong. only then do i feel tt hey im not alone. only then do i not think of going home. for the first time in my life im dying to go home so much. i'm sick and tired of waking up at 5.30am every morning and reaching home 12 hrs or more later. yeah i noe i chose sa. and im not saying sa sucks, i dun hate sa. but im juz tired. carrying on like this for the past 4 days is taking its toll on mi. im tired. i didnt particularly love the weekends when i was still in bp. maybe cos there's st john on sat. but i dun feel particularly happy when weekends are approaching. but now i do. cos tts when i can take a break. shit. im whining abt all this when i chose it. but well. watever.

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ostensibly ephemerally tainted.
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