Sunday, October 31, 2004

damn..tml's my chinese o level..i'm so damn scared. haiz. the bio prac was stupid..gave mi some stupid prawn..den i mixed up the blood plasma and saliva..oh well..nvm. it's over anyway. the prawn was so big. hahaz..so much for reading up on plants and seeds and fruits and goodness knows wat stupid plant stuff..i threw them all away already anyway. the feeling's great. i can't wait to do that to all my sec sch notes..hahahz. haiz..tml chinese..i'm so scared..damn..why did i have to get an A2 during the mid years..sigh.
i haven been really studying intensively..for my humanities..even though they're like so damn near and like so cramped..somehow it seems to me i've finished my social studies..and lit..i'll deal with it full-time after my ss..yeah..wondering that to do about my english..it's the biggest challenge of all my papers man..*prays harD* *prays damn harD*..hahaz..sigh. then there's emaths and amaths..i haven did any papers since i've last finished those given to me..yeah but well..after my social studies i'll do some..cos i'm scared. like..cannot be overconfident..haven't been practising for a while..then always careless..haiz..shit man..some ppl are so confident..while i'm not. haiz haiz haiz..damn..Os suck.

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@ |8:04 pm|
Tuesday, October 26, 2004

i think i better keep my mouth shut from now on..irrelevant and stupid stuff keep coming out. damn. i think i'm irritating ppl. oh well..today was the physics prac..it was ok..juz tt i was pretty nervous when i realized i took the wrong measurements and so on. yup. and tt huiting was moaning abt flopping chem prac cos she didnt write observation for 1 QA thing and flopping phyics prac cos she lost 2 marks. yeah.
so today..ppl were called up cos of the shirleen ong's friendster thing. well.. i dunno wat to say. juz tt after reading alison's od..i suddenly feel like hey arvind isn't such a nice guy afterall and minsi's reaction, speech and action were all damned expected. chin thin says tt oh well tt's her. but is tt really? she's juz plain attention seeking and like..self centred and self obsessed. everything is abt her her her and her. complaining abt having A2s when other ppl are getting like dunno wat results..telling the whole world how poor thing she is on her msn nick. never once was her msn nick not attention seeking. oh well..i'm sick and tired of her as well. acting in front of mi..then talking bad stuff behind my back.
well anyway..i wonder how the hell shirleen ong managed to realize tt someone created an account for her, tan hak soon and mrs ee. well..syek yi keep saying tt she's not tt bad and all tt shit. but come on. is wat she doing really for the school or is it juz for her portfolio? well..i dunno. i dun really care anymore since im leaving anyway. what's the school coming to, i no longer care anymore.
O levels are coming..and i still ain't studying hard..like how the hell i'm gonna get like 6 points right? sigh.

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@ |5:25 pm|
Sunday, October 24, 2004

hahaz..been to so many open houses..i really like hcjc a lot..hahaz..but arz..i cant go arz..hahaz..how to go..unless like my Os get 6 points..which is like impossible. yeah. which comes to the question. where to go? hahaz..like..njc and ajc are so boring..so sian..so pressure rising. den xin jie was like saying..if wanna go to pressure cooker..may as well go the more prestigious one. hahaz..makes sense huh..but i kinda really dun like njc. yeah den went to sajc and acjc yesterday. im not impressed larz basically. den sajc..it's moving. sianz. otherwise..i'll surely be going there. den like..everybody tell mi..wanna go to jc to study..dun go sa..there is go slack and have fun de..haiz. dunno larz..acjc i definitely wun be going de lorz..
but i guess my 1st 3 months almost confirm go sa liao lorz..sigh.

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@ |9:30 pm|
Wednesday, October 20, 2004

sometimes..i just feel so sick of studying..knowing that Os is here in 2 weeks isn't helping too..haiz..i really wanna go in HC..but i know i can't. damn. how am i supposed to get 6 points when my english is like..always a B? even 7 points is a problem. sigh.

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@ |10:53 am|
Sunday, October 10, 2004

it's been a long time since i last wrote in here..
today i went to meet daniel..something i've been wanting to do for the past 3 years..to meet him..see him for..probably the last time ever. but somehow..i didnt wanna see him too..i dun wanna look at the kind of person he's become..cos..i thought to myself..that maybe..perhaps..not seeing him maintains a good image of him..a good memory of him in my mind and my heart always. he is just my classmate in p5 and p6. perhaps he doesnt remember the times we chat on the phone..perhaps he doesnt remember eveyrthing that happened in pri sch..not that i do..i just have blurred memory of everything.
he hasnt changed. in terms of looks. he's still tall..tanned..juz as i remembered him to be. he started telling mi abt the sch..abt how fighting and police coming to the sch is like everyday life..abt how much wenni changed..how she smokes and drinks..how she joined gang..how she beat a girl up till she vomitted blood..how she got her head slammed onto the wall by his fren. abt how fights are so common in the sch..how the 7 discipline masters can do nothing..how a lot of ppl are on probation..how he drinks regularly..how he picked up smoking again after quitting 'for fun'..how a soccer match almost turned out into a fight and the police coming only after everything's over. it reminds mi abt all that junlong said abt his sch.
suddenly, i feel like we're all so sheltered in our sch. we noe nothing abt all this. all those bengs and lians..or rather..those act bengs and act lians are all juz crap..nothing..juz act. they dun even dare to do anything..while..his frens..will juz whack..beat.
it shocks mi to the kinda violence and the extent of it in a sec sch in this time..and it shocks mi to noe how much my pri sch fren..my classmate for 4 years of my 6 years of pri sch time turned out to be lidat. i feel like we're so sheltered..so naive..so..crap. i noe in their eyes we're juz idiots concerned with our results.
den i looked at him. y is it tt he drinks? he smokes? cos it's nice? cos he likes it? i noe it's not my problem..i noe it's none of my business..i noe i shldnt even be interfering..but so wat? u noe..i thought abt his family. he's rich. he can juz take a cab to meet me cos he's late. he can juz go to bar to buy drinks and drink..buy liquor regularly..he can juz go overseas to get a degree if he cant get into a poly..is it his upbringing? or is it influence? i dunno..i dunno how i feel now..
y is it tt a 16-year-old's life can be so different from another? when both are in a sec sch? how can a sch differ so much from another? y muz them resort to gangs and fights and violence when i've never even seen someone fight in my entire life, they are seeing it almost everyday. i keep thinking abt reasoning..how ppl shldnt do this and so on..but i noe in their eyes i am juz another idiot tt they cant be bothered abt. i duno. i dunno wat im typing.
he is not the guy i knew 4 5 years ago. he is not the guy i wan him to be. he is not the guy i hoped he'll be. he's still as much a spendthrift as last time. he's still as rebellious. he's still living a lavish life. he still has the same attitude towards things. he still doesnt care abt his studies. he's still pretty much same as before. but he's not the daniel i knew.
i'm so overwhelmed..i dunno wat to say anymore. when i saw him take out his cigarette and smoke, i wanted to get away from him. i wanted to snatch it away from him and throw it away. i wanted to make him stop smoking right away. i wanted him to listen to mi and stop drinking and stop smoking..not wait until he's sick of smoking. i hate so see people smoke. not to say my frens. he knows it's something he shldnt be doing. but he's bored. i know i can't make him change. i don't know.
oh man..............................................................................................................................

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@ |10:45 pm|